The pink flocked Answer Me Jesus is wiser than the average 8 Ball. Jesus offers 20 different answers to help you choose the righteous path. Ask a question and turn him over - the answer you seek magically appears!

I've always wanted to send one of these to Colbert. Anyone?

Tell Dr. Freud's Therapy Ball your most neurotic thoughts and disturbing dreams, it will answer with objectivity and without judgement. 

Cheaper than traditional therapy, and no co-pay!